5 Albums to Get Over!

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Apr 5th 2008
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Since everyone agreed with our last article, “15 Movies I’m So Over, Why Aren’t You?” we decided to write a follow up on a topic that everyone is an expert in: Music. It seems like people treat music like religion or life philosophys, as if an album could ever be taken as seriously as the word of god. We know these are good albums, and we even like most of them but honestly, are they timeless? Do we really need to hear about them from every smug kid with Limewire? And we present to you, the top 5 albums to get the hell over!

The Mars Volta - Frances the Mute

Wow, the most chaotic clusterfuck of noise ever with incoherent lyrics to boot. Only a select few can decipher this mess of Spanglish and whoosh noises. It must mean something right? Well we figured it out: they recorded the sound of 53rd street from inside a B.F.I dumpster, then spliced that with a guitar made of old kitchen appliances while the singer channels an army of screaming Panamanian children. There is plot though! Every song is important to the overarching story that is The Mars Volta! Screw that, all I hear is exploding street lights.

Tool - Lateralus

I heard that everything Tool does means something like a perfect circle if you will. But really, when you take a Sober look into the complexity of Tool, all you find is geometry. That’s right the answer to life is Forty-Six & 2. Don’t hold a [The] Grudge against us for being Disgustapated with this album. But listening to this is like having Prison Sex for 10,000 Days or Stinkfist[ing] a Hooker With A Penis on The Pot. But seriously, I’m sick of people living Vicarious[ly] through Tool. People need to Hush up about Lateralus and need to take a good look at their Reflection.

Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon

Where do we start with this one? What is it about the Dark Side of the Moon that makes our blood boil. Is it the pretentious jazz undertones? The allegiance of stoner fans? The mind blowing correlation to the Wizard of Oz? Or is it the fact that you can buy Pink Floyd boxers at Wal-Mart? The band really likes Money. That’s right, the smug bastards sell merch at Wal-Mart. This album was on the charts for ten years - and it’s still everywhere! Please, everyone, put down your joints, get off the beanbag, and get over Dark Side of the Moon.

Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation

I heard that Sonic Youth was important. It seemed like they were influential to music, art, and culture. Jesus Christ, I thought they did something! I was wrong. They’re part of the No Wave movment which is part of the Art Rock genre. I call it no-talent elite noise. Being avant-garde isn’t an excuse to suck. Don’t tell that to a fan - to them, your opinion is always wrong. Listen, I honestly tried with this band: I did everything I could to like them. I saw them live, bought the album - but I guess I will never be part of the Day Dream Nation.

Radiohead - Ok Computer

Dear OK Computer fans,
Please stop telling me to listen to this album. It’s not profound. It’s not life changing. It’s nothing. A concept album void of concepts. I never want to feel how this album sounds; It’s the epitome of p—-*. Listening to this is like seeing a pathetic celebrity cry in a closet with his money and grammy nearby. Oh wait… that’s exactly what it is! Get over yourselves, get over this album. Karma Police arrest this band.